Now that things are winding down on my stay here in Lebanon I have been thinking a lot about all the things I have learned during my stay. Now, there is a laundry list for sure. Some are silly, some are too personal to share but some are big/interesting so I thought I'd share them.
1. I DETEST Mosquitos. I seriously hate the little things. I mean do they serve a purpose? Besides causing itchiness and spreading disease...yuck.
2. I learned I have a deep passion for women's issues and that Feminism isn't just a crazy bunch of nonsense for women who hate all men. On that line I also learned I like to write and share both my experiences and experiences of others and that maybe I had it right with the first major I declared....Journalism....oops! :)
3. I've learned a bit about what it takes and what it means to be a good Lebanese woman...and that I don't quite fit that mold. The importance of hospitality and service. While I didnt end up learning how to cook, I learned the importance of food and the rituals of cooking. I learned how much labor it takes to keep a house clean when you dont have 'help'. That men are most of the time served first and if a man is at the table in a restaurant regardless of who is ready to order the waiter will look at him first. That Muslim women here "chose" to cover their heads, they are not forced by the government like in Saudi Arabia or Iran, and while many people do, many others dont. And of those who do 1/2 of them bedazzle their head scarves to make them fancy...
4. I learned what its like to have brothers...and have the bruises to show it
5. I learned the difference between Lebanon as a vacation spot and Lebanon as a place to live....thats a big one.
6. I learned the difference between the sounds of gunshots, bombs, thunder and fireworks (important)
7. The value and importance of family...and the drama that can ensue when you live to close together...
8. That Arabic is much more difficult than expected and you don't just "pick it up" around the house. The formal Arabic taught in classrooms and the spoken language are worlds apart...
9. Turns out I actually get homesick...this is something I did NOT expect
10. And most important, I learned that I am through and through an American! There are many many things I love about Lebanon but I learned that my home is in America and that I truly value the rights and freedoms we have in our country. Although to people here in Lebanon it seems like we have too many rules to abide by (aka laws....something that are just suggestsions here) they are in place to protect our way of life and our laws are nothing compared to the social laws they have to abide by here. Independence is something I have strived for since I left for college and that is exactly what being an American is about (well partly I mean). Independence is not something many women my age have here, and it is something I need to be happy.
All in all my two months here were an excellent experience. I truly learned a lot and thought long and hard about what I want out of life and who I am. I have realized I know neither, completely! :) Not in a bad way, but in a "I need time to grow up a bit" way. I am excited to come home to the States and work for my own money and live a life of appreciation for my country while maintaining a curiousity and a thirst for knowledge of how other people live in other countries. In the last couple of weeks I have changed my mind once again on the path that life is going to take me down and I will be coming home in July for "good". (I will never stop travelling so Im not sure what "for good" actually means!) While I wont pursue an MA in the states immediately after returning home due to deadlines of universities and such like I could if I were here in Lebanon, I am planning on working and saving money so that perhaps I can afford by this winter to take an unpaid internship in DC or NYC to get my foot in the door with the UN or the Federal Government. One important thing I learned is that I need to just be Sasha and I need to figure out just what being Sasha means before I throw myself into a culture that requires so much personal adaptation. :)
Thanks for reading my blog! If something exciting happens in the next week I'll report it. We are leaving Lebanon June 30th then spending a few days in London with Mara and we'll all be home July 2nd! I am looking forward to seeing everyone! I have missed home quite a lot! But what I am most excited for is my 2 week trip to Minnesota to see my moms side of the family and meet the newest addition to our family Finn who has become quite the blessing and the most important miracle our family has seen for sure!!
Much love,
Sash
